Yes We Can!

It is emotive times to be living in USA - To be living in this country at this time in my life has changed me almost soften me as a person. After living in the UK were health care and welfare of its population is every ones business then living in the USA where the same seems to be know ones business. Do not get me wrong I love the USA work ethic a population of hard workers and go getter's. But what happens when those same hard working people lose their jobs through no fault of there own - like now due to a faltering economy. Who cares about them who helps them. To night there are families worried about health care for their children as they no longer have a job. Can not make their house payment -can not sell their house due to loss in equity. These good honest hard working people are down on their luck who but cares for them. I do not have all the answers to these difficult problems all I know is a country and society is judge by how it treats in old, young and sick can America really say it treats them well. But there is hope there must be and from it will grow a stronger and softer America. Yes We Can!

Midwifery School and Mexico

So I started Midwifery school and also went on vacation to Mexico am I crazy - I must be but I have managed to catch up and also had an amazing time in Mexico. My children just adore the beach the weather was perfect and we had a wonderful couple of days.

So Midwifery School week one has gone OK - I think I am up to date apart from some reading but I am always selective at what I read to read and to absorb the whole reading list for me in unrealistic.

Children are well and seem happy and work is so busy so my plate is rather full at the moment but I am sure when I am back to my beloved midwifery it will all be worth it.

List of abbreviations

Here is a list of midwifery and obstetric abbreviations

AB abortion
AFP Alpha Fetoprotein
AMA advanced maternal age
AFI amniotic fluid index
AROM artificial rupture of membranes
BPP biophysical profile
CPD cephalopelvic disproportion
CVS chorionic villi sampling
D & C dilatation & curettage
EFM electronic fetal monitoring
FHR fetal heart rate
FSE fetal scalp electrode
GBS group B beta streptococcus
IUFD intrauterine fetal death
IUGR intrauterine growth retardation
IVF in vitro fertilization
LMP last menstrual period
PPH postpartum hemorrhage
TOL trial of Labor
VBAC vaginal birth after C-section

Facebook

Well I have been taken over by the craze which is engulfing the world Facebook- I do not know whether it is because I am now forty and facing my own mortality that I am suddenly obsessed with the past and the people in it. I did read some where once that this is a common fascination of the middle aged.

So I have made contacts with old school friends ex work colleagues and my first love - it has been so much fun chatting up with these people the most interesting part is with what ease it is to talk to them virtually of course- and I come to realise that its because of some sort of common foundation you have with them - they know your family - your school life - its this I feel leads to this ease.

Back to my first love - I think its the innocence the freshness of your first love that makes such a mark in your life. You have no idea what path life will take you down what turns you will take - Life is simple when you are young - your in love the world is exciting. For me this innocence and trust in the world came to a sudden end - over night with a personal tragedy which would change my life for ever and take me a good twenty years to come to terms with tragedy. With this tragedy came a change in me an unbalancing which brought about the end of that first relationship. I would often wounder throughout the tough times in my life if I should have hung on tighter or fought a little harder for that first relationship - but now I know with age and a successful marriage that I had a long hard path of discovery and personal sadness to undertake that this relationship or any other for that matter would not have with stood.

Contact now is good it is fun to relive the past and chat about the choices each has made- and I feel this is a safe friendship both stable with real deep love and regard for our spouses - young families - so a lot of water has gone under the bridge and time has flooded past but I look forward to a future friendship with a person who helped shape who I am.

Work

Well work has been hectic one thing is for sure is that there are plenty of women birthing babies in these parts - so I should be good for a job when I finally reach my goal. Met up with a group of local CNM the other night - they were a great bunch really committed its just strange that there are so few Midwives I worked out that there were as many midwifes in the whole of AZ as there were in the hospital I worked in the UK- just amazing!

My boys are doing well the eldest is struggling with conforming to school rules feels he knows better- he will learn the hard way- I want to tell him just jump through the hoops but he will not listen to me his mother I know nothing of his life! So I watch him work through his struggles sat there on the sidelines with the safety net watching ready to throw the net- I remember back when he was a baby and toddler my first -thinking how hard it was now I look back at those days they were a piece of cake compared to this. But when I look at that boy never mind how mad he makes me my heart jumps with the love for him.

I contiue to follow Dr Amy - wow she is screwed up I have know idea what is going on in her head but it not right- she is so blinkered it is unbeliveable - so I will read on.

Life

Everything seems to be going to plan - work is bearable just well the girls I work with make it so they are a great bunch of people and I love working with them. Night however is taking its toll - I am tired all the time I stay up to late then want to sleep the whole day !

Youngest birthday tomorrow and he is so excited it is lovely to see- Thomas the tank engine all over again three boys! Looking forward to starting school and getting things under way it will be a long two years with a vast amount of work to be covered- but it will all be worth it in the end and I will then have the job of trying t0 find employment as a midwife but will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Dr Amy

Well - I have been following Dr Amy - Home birth debate blog- to call it a debate is a bit strong as during a debate you should have a two sided argument. There is no doubt that Dr Amy is an incredibly intelligent person - I not sure if she a women or a man but that dose not matter with very strong opinion on home birth natural childbirth and breastfeeding. Which in its self is fine freedom of speech and all that its just that Dr Amy claim is healthy baby above all and argues against home birth as she believes home birth is not safe with increased risks of neonatal death. This is were the water gets muddy for me - as if Dr Amy was really all about the out come then she would be fighting for humane birth in the hospital setting with women being at the center of care - not Dr convenience and against early induction with no medical reason as both of these out comes contribute to neonatal outcomes. - well I will continue to read.



I continue to work in L&D and every day I am stunned at the behaviour of some of our providers- the last shift I worked a couple turn up in triage in active labour 5cms excited they had been counselled during there antenatal period extensively and had chosen a TOL previous EM LSCS due to breech not found until 7cms. - You guessed it the provided was pissed and did everything in his power to talk them out of a trial he used every scary word in his vocabulary. The couple were venerable and frightened she was in pain and now they were confused - I heard the husband say repeatedly that we have discussed this and you told us the risks have these risks changed. The Dr was frantic he would not let any of the nurses speak with the couple basically he did not want to spent the night in the hospital- all be it a sleep in the Dr lounge. Anyway the couple came to a decision they were sticking with there original plan oh how pissed was the DR- they ended up having a beautiful birth 7 hours after admission no drama no trauma to either the mother or child everyone in the room was crying - the Dr came placed the baby on mothers chest removed the placenta and left he was in the room for no more than five Min's.



Do not get me wrong if a provider does not want to offer a TOL or VBAC then that is their prerogative what I do object to is saying yes in the antenatal period with every intention of trying to change their minds when they are actually in labour I feel this in an issue of dishonesty and very little if no integrity on the providers part.

Frontier Bound

Wow what an experience FB was - I think being around people like me or as my DH says being with my people! The whole experience was spiritual - Frontier staff were well organized and everything ran very smoothly. So the course work dose not start until October so we will have to see how that goes. I think that I am going to enjoy the whole experience- now I need to hunt out a clinical site for the end of next year I hope.

Working Mother Guilt

No matter how much we pretend it is not there it is the guilt of working when your children need you - even if they have a perfectly good father supporting them the feeling I get as a mother when my children are struggling and I can not be there is unexplainable.

I know about all the positives about mothers working and all the negatives and I have chosen to work if in to days society it is really a choice - I have worked the entire time I have been a mother and you would think after eleven years the guilt would get less but no it is as strong as the first day I left the breast fed infant for someone other than his father to care for him.

But I made my choice so work I do and I hope by working I am not damaging my children to much and one day they will understand why mummy was not there for every grazed knee and how much sleep I go with out to lessen the time we are apart.

Nearly at the Start

Firstly I have no idea whether anyone is reading this - for some reason my blog dose not come up on a Google search!

Well I start on my Midwifery course at the end of the month which is very exciting I still can not believe that I will be back on the path- some one at work asked if I would be able to get work as a midwife as was it all worth in - you know what I not even considered work but I will cross that bridge when i come to it - there is a MD in work who said that they would love to work with me and we should look in to it - but a lot can happen in two years. This feels wright if feels like what I should be doing.

Family wise everything is going well we are incredibly busy all the time I have no idea prior to children how much up keep they are - school is like another full time job for parents and then there is all the actives and things like dentist and orthodontics and that's no even taking in to account of feeding and grooming them-

Still would not be with out them - well OK maybe occasionally!

Last Night Of Summer Camp

So we have just one last night left in summer camp - What a Summer DH and I have been sharing the camp nurse job whilst our boys enjoyed the summer at camp it has been an enjoyable experience one that would be well worth repeating if are given the opportunity and our circumstances allow us.

I am in

I got my official offer for grad school I am in I leave for Frontier Bound in August- hurray I can hardly believe that I am in it seems like a dream - now all I have got to do is get through the course whilst working full time as a clinical manager and mother to three small ish boys aged 11, 6 and 2 -Wow it is really happening I can hardly believe it.

So much to sort out in a short time - now I am doubting that I will do well you know I have never done any study in the US so I have now idea what to expect for testing - hopefully I will be alright on the clinical side of things.

So I am sitting and waiting for my official offer from frontier - wondering when I will start and what it will be like to be a student midwife again....... Working as an L&D nurse is becoming harder and harder the way child birth is treated is unbelievable! From my prospective it comes down to a few main factors ego - that of the doctors - time and money.
Spending time as an L&D nurse has changed me and will change the way I practise as a midwife. Before I left the UK I had become disillusioned about midwifery and the part it played in my life I thought I would be able to leave it all behind me and settle as a nurse again - how wrong I was you can never go back.
I dream about practising midwifery again one day be able to help and support women and their families to achieve a birth they want safely calmly with birth being about them and their future helping deepen experiences and forging path in to parent hood.

So I have managed to get my self a place at graduate school hurray I am one step closer to returning to midwifery soon not too long and I will be able to work in the field that I love. For now I must jump through all the hoops that the USA have put in front of me - but I am willing to do it to be able to return to midwifery - I believe that growth takes place through any form of study under taken so I will grow- net work and become active with in the midwifery community.

I believe this path has been given to me for a reason so I am taking it running with it - I am lost but on the path to being found.

My Boys

I am so blessed to have three wonderful children- all boys but so different they are the most loving children we are all so close- we have the best summer planned ever I am taking a summer nurse job at a residential camp all the boys and hubby we will be away at camp for five weeks we are so lucky and so excited what an opportunity as a family. Lucky us.

Application Sent

So I have sent my application to be considered for midwifery education - again - if I am successful it will be strange to be a student midwife again almost 10 years on from the first time- what a strange path my life has taken. I really believe that I will be a midwife again soon helping women achieve an empowering birth experience -the births I am helping with at the moment are so unemotional even cold it is the weirdest experience of my life - its almost like the woman is a spectator- I witnessed a 19 year old cut last night so the doctor did not have to wait the whole experience made me sick a complete violation of birth and the women and their families except this just get the baby the quickest way no matter what the cost to the mother. I think I am having this experience for a reason to make me a better midwife to open my eyes wide-to make me examine my own ego.

I am not sure how much longer I can stay in L&D it is so alien to me- so controlling so unemotional so about the Doctors - never about women or babies never about birth. I do what I can but its difficult just so difficult-

I have started my application for midwifery ever have to do that again who would taught I would have to go back to school to train to be a midwife all over again.

Fingers crossed soon I will be back on the road to midwifery.

The Start

Well here we go a new blogger at the age of forty- and to think they did not even offer computer lessons when I was in school all those years ago. My sons will be proud of their old mother. So at the grand old age of 39- we meaning husband, three boys and I up sticks and move 5000 miles away......... and for the most part it is going well very -the only thorn in my side is that I can not work as a midwife......... So after working for 10yrs as a midwife I am now suck in OB as a L&D nurse ! I have died and gone to HELL. I am working on getting accepted to a school - so that I can study midwifery all over again and get certified in USA -but to me is madness-I could fly in to London tomorrow - 10 hour flight and pick up a midwifery job the next day- here only 10yrs away in a country that we are brothers in arms with I am having difficulty even getting on a Midwifery course.............Oh well moan over on wards and upwards - were there is a will and all that.

See you soon