Last Night Of Summer Camp

So we have just one last night left in summer camp - What a Summer DH and I have been sharing the camp nurse job whilst our boys enjoyed the summer at camp it has been an enjoyable experience one that would be well worth repeating if are given the opportunity and our circumstances allow us.

I am in

I got my official offer for grad school I am in I leave for Frontier Bound in August- hurray I can hardly believe that I am in it seems like a dream - now all I have got to do is get through the course whilst working full time as a clinical manager and mother to three small ish boys aged 11, 6 and 2 -Wow it is really happening I can hardly believe it.

So much to sort out in a short time - now I am doubting that I will do well you know I have never done any study in the US so I have now idea what to expect for testing - hopefully I will be alright on the clinical side of things.

So I am sitting and waiting for my official offer from frontier - wondering when I will start and what it will be like to be a student midwife again....... Working as an L&D nurse is becoming harder and harder the way child birth is treated is unbelievable! From my prospective it comes down to a few main factors ego - that of the doctors - time and money.
Spending time as an L&D nurse has changed me and will change the way I practise as a midwife. Before I left the UK I had become disillusioned about midwifery and the part it played in my life I thought I would be able to leave it all behind me and settle as a nurse again - how wrong I was you can never go back.
I dream about practising midwifery again one day be able to help and support women and their families to achieve a birth they want safely calmly with birth being about them and their future helping deepen experiences and forging path in to parent hood.

So I have managed to get my self a place at graduate school hurray I am one step closer to returning to midwifery soon not too long and I will be able to work in the field that I love. For now I must jump through all the hoops that the USA have put in front of me - but I am willing to do it to be able to return to midwifery - I believe that growth takes place through any form of study under taken so I will grow- net work and become active with in the midwifery community.

I believe this path has been given to me for a reason so I am taking it running with it - I am lost but on the path to being found.

My Boys

I am so blessed to have three wonderful children- all boys but so different they are the most loving children we are all so close- we have the best summer planned ever I am taking a summer nurse job at a residential camp all the boys and hubby we will be away at camp for five weeks we are so lucky and so excited what an opportunity as a family. Lucky us.

Application Sent

So I have sent my application to be considered for midwifery education - again - if I am successful it will be strange to be a student midwife again almost 10 years on from the first time- what a strange path my life has taken. I really believe that I will be a midwife again soon helping women achieve an empowering birth experience -the births I am helping with at the moment are so unemotional even cold it is the weirdest experience of my life - its almost like the woman is a spectator- I witnessed a 19 year old cut last night so the doctor did not have to wait the whole experience made me sick a complete violation of birth and the women and their families except this just get the baby the quickest way no matter what the cost to the mother. I think I am having this experience for a reason to make me a better midwife to open my eyes wide-to make me examine my own ego.

I am not sure how much longer I can stay in L&D it is so alien to me- so controlling so unemotional so about the Doctors - never about women or babies never about birth. I do what I can but its difficult just so difficult-

I have started my application for midwifery ever have to do that again who would taught I would have to go back to school to train to be a midwife all over again.

Fingers crossed soon I will be back on the road to midwifery.